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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770627">who am i (who are we)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace'>pettigrace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Brothers, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Screenplay/Script Format, also all the batboys are poc bc i said so, duke and cass are also interviewed but they're normal, i have no idea what a batman canon is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:01:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Wayne family is invited to do an interview, things aren't going as planned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jason Todd &amp; Damian Wayne, Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson, Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Damian Wayne, Tim Drake &amp; Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>209</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>who am i (who are we)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have no idea what this is except maybe the funniest shit I ever wrote. I cackled while writing. The idea came to me in a dream and is losely based on <a href="https://twitter.com/DisneyFrozen/status/1199810129010388992">this video</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The INTERVIEWER is seated in front of a DARK BACKGROUND, facing the camera. He's smiling brightly as he begins to speak.</p><p>INTERVIEWER: Hi and hello, welcome to this episode of YFM! This week’s topic is, as our trusted followers on twitter have voted in a poll, the life of adoptees. And we thought: Who’s better to kick off the week than America’s - if not the <em> world’s </em> - most famous patchwork family? Yes, you heard that right; our first guests are the Waynes!</p><p>The camera moves to a wide shot, showing that DICK GRAYSON and TIM DRAKE-WAYNE are sitting across from him.</p><p>DICK smiles brightly at the camera while TIM gives a little wave.</p><p>INT: Right now with me are Bruce Wayne’s eldest sons, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd, in case you live under a stone and missed Gotham’s gossip for the last twenty years.</p><p>TIM makes a baffled face and opens his mouth to speak up but gets interrupted when DICK lets out a heavy laugh, throwing his head back. </p><p>The INTERVIEWER looks taken aback for just a short moment, but carries on then.</p><p>INT: Now, Dick, you have been taken under Bruce Wayne’s wing when you were just nine. Before that, you were part of Haly’s Circus. I can imagine it was quite the change of scenery to live in a manor suddenly?</p><p>DICK, somewhat sobered up: Oh, yeah. I was. But high ceilings and chandeliers make up for the lack of trapezes, I can assure you that. </p><p>DICK winks into the camera.</p><p>INT, a little unsure how to react to that: That sounds like quite the easy shift then? And you, Jason--</p><p>DICK, nudging TIM’s side, under his breath: Yeah, <em> Jason</em>.</p><p>TIM shoves him away, frowning at the INTERVIEWER.</p><p>INT: --you’ve come from a vastly different background, too. We all heard the stories of Bruce Wayne taking in a boy who grew up on a street where his parents have been killed, but recently news have reported that you lived in a foster home as well? </p><p>TIM, lifting his index finger: Well, actually--</p><p>DICK, hurriedly: <em> Actually</em>, I think like a <em> lot </em> of people have a completely wrong idea of who <em> Jason </em> really is.</p><p>TIM shoots him a death glare.</p><p>DICK just keeps grinning.</p><p>INT: Yes, of course. I assume there’s a lot of wrong images that the public has of your family?</p><p>DICK laughs again, and now even TIM can’t hide a chuckle. THEY look at EACH OTHER, almost like they’re having a silent conversation. After a second, TIM gives the smallest of nods. THEY turn to the INTERVIEWER again.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the interview continues in a similar manner.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Man</em>, I can’t believe he thought you were Jason!”</p><p>“I know, right? You’d think <em> I </em> was the one standing out, what with me being the palest of us guys, but no! I still get confused for one of you!”</p><p>“This is so fucking funny, I don’t even know--”</p><p>“And you just-- You didn’t let me <em> say </em> anything!”</p><p>“What, did you want to embarrass the guy? Come on, it was probably an honest mistake.”</p><p>“Oh, <em> shit</em>.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“If he thought <em> I </em> was <em> Jason</em>, then he’s gonna--”</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>.”</p><p>“Bruce is gonna kill us.”</p><p>“Eh… worth it?”</p><p>“Debatable.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>In the SAME ROOM as before, the SAME INTERVIEWER is sat in front of JASON TODD and DAMIAN WAYNE. He has already uttered the introduction and is in the process of beginning the actual interview.</p><p>INT: Now, Tim, what would you say--</p><p>JASON: What did you just call me?</p><p>INT: I-- uh, do you prefer ‘Timothy’?</p><p>JASON lets out a tiny growl. Next to him, DAMIAN cackles in evil delight.</p><p>INT, voice high: Mr Drake-Wayne?</p><p>The INTERVIEWER yelps as JASON shoots up from his seat and gets dangerously close to him, all the while leaving out a string of curses in Spanish. DAMIAN discreetly pulls out his phone.</p><p>DAMIAN, a stunned whisper to the phone: Fabulous.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>Please leave a comment!</b><br/>If you liked this, come check out my <a href="http://joanthangroff.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> or talk to me on <a href="http://twitter.com/raphaelsantjago">twitter</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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